Sunday, February 27, 2011

Why I love spring

Early spring is great for my exploding head. The cold temps that kick off migraines and cranial nerve issues are ended. The pollen and allergy and high heat of summer has not arrived that makes the head go into overdrive trying to squash itself.

No, spring is good. The head feels as good as it gets. Most days, I feel just about normal. Unless I run up the stairs at work or carry something really heavy, haha.

And this year, another change. I'm happy. Happy with where I am in life, even as there are many things that need to change. I feel good about life, even if I don't feel entirely well every day. And I believe that is a radical shift.

Happy is a choice. Feeling good is a choice. It isn't about feeling well physically or not needing to work on aspects of my life. It's about deciding on wonder and joy instead of anger and bitterness and resentment. It's about deciding to paint my bathroom pink or tropical island water turquoise because it makes me smile.

It's about pondering what flowers to plant in the pots on my front porch. Pots I did not fill last year because I was too busy being crappy in my heart and feeling bad that I was never going to make my head well again.  What a load of wasted time!!  egad.

Someone I admire greatly had some huge life chaos these past few months.  Job loss.  Cancer.  Child medical issues. How he has come through it stronger and more energized and with some amazing opportunities has been nothing short of inspirational. And it all has to do with his attitude. He fought hard to stay positive and keep marching forward and blast holes in walls when doors and windows did not appear.
Read about him here.
And here.
And tell me that doesn't inspire!

So my point is, IH is crappy.  But I'm not.  It doesn't get to tell me how to feel emotionally or spiritually.  It doesn't rule my heart. It doesn't decide my future.  Like any curve ball, it changes the playing field and makes some things I wanted unattainable.  But it does not rend me useless.  If I can't find the doors or windows to my dreams, I'll follow my friend Marshall's lead and sledgehammer some holes in walls.

IH doesn't win.  I do.

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